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All the Feels

transition

The roof of my home is being replaced as I sit in the living room and write this.  I can’t help having a giggle as the loudness of the whole shebang reminds me of my own head… its constant state of questioning, review, problem solving, joy, despair, over-thinking… all the feels.

And then there are moments of quiet.

How apt.

It’s been a while (five months or so?) since I’ve sat down to write.  There have been many moments of inspiration but very little energy to try to make sense of the word vomit for you.  And so I have sat with it.  Sat with all the feels.  Wallowed in the tears and danced in the joy.  Sat in the loneliness and soaked up the connections.  It’s been five months of deep reflection.  Maybe it has something to do with turning 30?

It feels like a rebirth of sorts.  An awakening.  A celebration of letting go and moving forward with verve and vigour.  Reclaiming my own power and embracing the human that I am and creating the human I want to be.  It’s interesting, scary, exciting, unpredictable, silly, joyful… all the feels.

So what have I learned in the last five months?  That’s probably what you want to hear right?  …so much.  The answer is “so much”.  It’s difficult to put it all into words, so I will attempt to summarize and hopefully you can take something from this, if you wish to do so:

  • Choose who you want to spend your time with – This has been one of the most interesting changes for me.  It’s not easy to let go of friends or acquaintances that you’re used to spending your time with, but it is SO important to take note of how you feel in the company of others.  If you feel tired and drained for all the wrong reasons, let them go.  Let that shit go.  It’s not serving you and your wellbeing.  Spend time with people who energize you.  Who challenge you and who appreciate your time and company.  It’s a game changer.  Try it.

let that shit go

  • Clear your physical space – This might seem like a lame suggestion, especially if you’ve read a million blogs on decluttering and how beneficial it is for your existence (like I have)! I implore you to consider doing a major purge of physical stuff.  It is not bullshit advice.  Over the last five months I have slowly been clearing my home of ALL the unused and unloved STUFF and it has been not only therapeutic (I found diaries from years ago which were fascinating to read through), but it has made life that much more efficient.  Everything has its place and purpose.  No more mad scrambling searching for something, or standing in front of my closet wondering what to wear – I’ve kept what I love and what I love has its place and purpose.  Get your physical space under control.  Trust me on this one.

space

  • Make your happiness a priority – I’m an empath. I feel your feelings deeply, so much so that I often well up and have to swallow what feel like your tears.  It’s tiring and it’s easy to get caught up in other people’s stuff (if you’re like me).  I’ve had to learn how to create a wall of loving energy that gives others relief, but allows me to stay somewhat disconnected.  It’s not easy and I don’t always get it right, but I’ve realised that my happiness comes first.  I have to make sure my happiness is being taken care of before I can make you happy.  Put yourself first more often.  Do what makes you happy more often.  Then share that happiness with the people you love and want to spend your time with.

chosen to be happy

  • Be a Goddess (or a God) – Considering that my audience is mostly women, ladies, this is for you. Gentlemen, take what you will from it.  Or… ladies, be a God and gentlemen be a Goddess.  Whatever floats your boat.  Be a Goddess.  Be the warm-blooded divine feminine presence that you were born to be.  Own that shit.  Let go of the memories of being mistreated or find a therapist/councillor if the maltreatment goes deep.  Respect yourself and take back your power.  You are exquisite and you are enough.  This world of glamour and photoshop, filters and trends makes us think that we are somehow not worthy.  Fuck that shit.  I’m so done with not feeling good enough.  Yes, I still have bad days, but I’m choosing to have more good days than bad.  If I walk past a mirror and catch myself saying negative things to myself, I walk back to the mirror and immediately change the thought to a positive one.  I tell myself that I am enough, that I am beautiful and I am abundant.  So are you.  Be a frikken Goddess.

goddess

  • Choose how you want to feel – This is my last summarized point for this post and I’m going to tie meditation (or stillness) into it. This is not easy… choosing how you want to feel.  We are reactive creatures.  If we are anxious or in a state of stress or panic, often we forget to breathe, take a moment, consider and then react.  It is NOT easy, but it’s possible and it’s another game changer.  I’ve found that meditation (or being still.  However you’d like to think of it.  Maybe it’s prayer for you) has been an incredible helper for my state of mind and ability to choose my feelings.  It’s new to me and I am no master, nor have I done heaps of research, but I do spend between 6 to 15 minutes every morning sitting still, breathing deeply and acknowledging whatever comes up.  Sometimes it’s a frantic mind and sometimes it’s super calm and free-flowing, but what this moment of stillness each day allows me, is the time to check in with how I choose to feel about myself and my life.  I’m hoping that over time, this filters through into my immediate reactions and the default setting becomes one of inner wisdom and a deep connection to my holistic vision for my life.  You have the power to decide how you feel about things.  Remember that.

rule your mind

 

Strangely, the workmen took a tea break while I wrote this.  It was written in the stillness.  How apt.

They’ve jumped back on the roof now and so I’ll take it as my cue to get stuck into this day, remembering the stillness that will come again when the time is right.

Look after yourself.  Find gratitude in the smallest things.  Surround yourself with good people.  Create a beautiful space in which to live.  You deserve happiness.  .  BE a Goddess and let others see her.  Feel all the feels and then choose what feels you want to feel and what feels don’t serve you.

That, dear friends is what I’ve learned (in a nutshell).

With Love

L

One Response to "All the Feels"

  • Shannon
    June 2, 2016 - 9:37 am Reply

    My Leilah. I so needed to read this today. You have become a voice I need to hear. So much love to you for all that you are and having the courage to be an emotional business woman. I salute you, Goddess to Goddess! Sat Nam and soon we shall see each other!

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