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Not my normal blog ramblings…

WARNING:  This blog post is perhaps a little off-the-wall.  Apologies in advance if it makes absolutely no sense and I waste precious minutes of you life.  Let me know so that I don’t do it again!

Life is such a funny thing.

We are born with no inhibitions.  Our senses allow us to piece together what is going on around us.

As we grow older we sometimes turn our observations into beliefs or we take on the belief systems of others.  There are those of us who choose to resist what we believe is being forced upon us.  We forge our own way through the madness.

I had other intentions for 2015.  You know, approaching 30, trying to make sense of it all.  What am I doing with my life?  Who am I choosing to spend my time with?  Where do I want to be in 5 years’ time?

As this year draws to a close I realise that it’s not so much about the future.  Despite the fact that I seem to have been working towards a future of some sorts.  I was working at it, and that seems to be what counts right?  Because certain belief systems require us to have a plan.  A time-line of planned goals and milestones to achieve.  I fell into that trap.

“Oh!  You’re almost 30?  Shouldn’t you be getting married soon?  You know you’ll have to have children as soon as you can!  You’ve only got good eggs up until the age of 36!”

Ummm… f*ck off.

What 2015 has taught me is that every decision we make in this life has a consequence.

In my case, deciding to work on my future hasn’t allowed me to enjoy the present.

The fact is, none of us are fortune-tellers.  I might be stating the obvious here.  Unless you believe in fortune-tellers, which I’ll admit I have – but it brings me back to the lesson;

Every decision we make in this life has a consequence.  If you believe the fortune-teller, you will make decisions that will lead you to your fortune.  Manifestation at its best.

This post probably seems a bit all over the place (you should see the state of my home – a true reflection on my mind at present).  Bare with me.

My life at present is one massive juxtaposition when it comes to personal goings on and career happenings.  It makes me wonder if that word “balance” is actually ever attainable.

The scale seems to constantly tip any which way it pleases.  Have I been preaching about something that does not exist?  …this is a very real possibility.

If it does exist, perhaps it exists solely for those split-seconds of Euphoria.

I think what I’m trying desperately to grasp at the moment is the magically (and sometimes tragic) magnificent way in which our decisions lead us down alley ways and rivers of experiences.  Some of these journey’s we are completely and utterly prepared for (or so we think) and others, well, they just blow us out of the water, into tiny smithereens of ourselves… forcing us to piece ourselves back together.  Forcing us to once again question our belief systems and who and what we are.  What do we stand for?  What do we choose for ourselves?  Who do we choose to share ourselves with?

I’m at a point in my life where I no longer feel guilty for what I feel or who I might offend because of those feelings.  Am I recreating my belief systems or am I just making decisions that force me to deal with the unexpected consequences in a more conscious mind frame?

I am the only one who can create the journey… I am the one who holds the power of decision.  I am the one who has to face the consequences of my decisions.

Whoever is there for the journey alongside me is there by choice.  If I asked you to join me, you made the choice to say “yes” or “no”How you deal with the consequences of that journey is your choice.

Let it be known that I will always choose compassion and growth over hatred and rejection.  How you choose to feel about my decisions is your choice which yields another set of consequences.

I realise this post is quite different to my usual ramblings.  It’s probably also quite disjointed and may in fact not make any sense at all, but when I am inspired to write, I write.

I was going to blog about dieting (which I might still do), but I just feel like there are much more pressing issues in our lives and ourselves that we need to take note of.

In searching for answers we uncover more of ourselves.  Whether answers actually exist is questionable, but at least we are questioning.

To conclude;

In case you were wondering if I’ve smoked a massive joint and am currently as high as a kite, for what it’s worth, marijuana just makes me fall asleep and I haven’t touched the stuff in 10 years… so no I am not high.  I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment.  Haha.  Just a little.

With Love

L

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