This was meant to be a short and sweet post, but I got a little carried away, so if you have a few minutes to spare, keep reading darling.
“You’re not fat. You’re voluptuous!”
I’ve been told this on three occasions this last month and I can’t help but giggle a little. I’m giggling because I can’t quite figure out if it’s an attempt at being polite about my curvaceous physique or just a blatant attempt at covering up that they do in fact think I’m fat!
Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have a body of a fitness model or your typical personal trainer. I wouldn’t be picked first at a casting for a fitness magazine and I sure as hell wouldn’t win any prizes for prancing around in a bikini (respect to those who do!).
I have a body of a real woman and if you knew me well enough, you’d know it’s taken me a bloody long time to accept that fact!
I’m not going to harp on about my background in dance but I will say that I have had major body issue’s in my lifetime and some days I still experience doubt as to whether my body will ever be “good enough”… whatever the f*ck that means!
Fat? Cellulite? I have them both! I have an ass that pretty much has a life of its own. My body jiggle’s when I skip or run. My boobs are not perfectly shaped. I have broad and round shoulders so can’t wear certain tops. I struggle to find pants that fit my height, thighs AND waist because the ratio is so out of whack! Good heavens, the list could go on! There is so much about my body that is conventionally “wrong” or “unappealing”!
But you know what, I’m intelligent (most days ;)), funny (even if I’m the only one who thinks so), creative, talented, strong (physically and emotionally), hard-working, compassionate, gone through heaven and hell to get to where I am health-wise, happy to be alive and have a higher purpose! And yes, I am beautiful too!
Please forgive me while I rant…
I couldn’t really care less whether people think I am skinny, fat or voluptuous. Call me whatever you like. I know what I am and I know what I’m capable of. I don’t give a sh*t that I don’t look like a lean athlete, but call myself a personal trainer and Pilates teacher. This could all sound like one big excuse for being undisciplined, but to be frank, I couldn’t spend my days worrying about how many calories I’m consuming in order to maintain x amount of body fat or train for x2 hours a day x6 days a week so that I am a sure-fire woman-beast! I just couldn’t.
Dancing 7 – 10 hours a day for most of my late teens and young adulthood was enough thanks. I’ve been there and done that. Had the eating issues and body hatred. Deprived myself and then gorged, emotionally and physically. Experienced euphoria and the depths of the deep dark ocean, where only monsters exist. I’ve done it all and I don’t want it in my life anymore, thanks.
I suppose the big evocative meaning in all this word vomit is that you too shouldn’t give a damn about what box you fit into. Be your own damn box! You can be whatever colour, shape, size and texture you want! Hell, sprinkle yourself in multi-coloured glitter if you want to and who ever thinks you’re a weirdo is a closed minded idiot in my opinion.
Blegh, I just get so fed up with the constant pressure we are put under to be a certain way in order to be accepted or seen as fitting “the norm”. So what, I’m not a size 6, lean, 30km running, 120kg deadlifting personal trainer beast! That doesn’t make me any less beautiful, valuable, knowledgeable, influential, capable or professional.
Ok, rant over. Phew!
There is so much more to be written on this topic and I really could ramble on about it all, but I will spare you the time and instead ask you to share your thoughts, experiences and opinions in the comments section below.
How do you deal with it all?
What do you think?
Am I being ridiculous?
Should we as women be counting our calories and gymming ourselves into a coma in order to fit into the conventional norms or is the world changing and can we still be happy and healthy humans in bodies that are perfectly functional, naturally beautiful and holistically healthy?
I look forward to reading your opinions.