Marilyn Monroe not giving a sh*t!

This was meant to be a short and sweet post, but I got a little carried away, so if you have a few minutes to spare, keep reading darling.

“You’re not fat.  You’re voluptuous!”

I’ve been told this on three occasions this last month and I can’t help but giggle a little.  I’m giggling because I can’t quite figure out if it’s an attempt at being polite about my curvaceous physique or just a blatant attempt at covering up that they do in fact think I’m fat!

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have a body of a fitness model or your typical personal trainer.  I wouldn’t be picked first at a casting for a fitness magazine and I sure as hell wouldn’t win any prizes for prancing around in a bikini (respect to those who do!).

I have a body of a real woman and if you knew me well enough, you’d know it’s taken me a bloody long time to accept that fact!

cindy craw
Old school, Cindy Crawford!

I’m not going to harp on about my background in dance but I will say that I have had major body issue’s in my lifetime and some days I still experience doubt as to whether my body will ever be “good enough”… whatever the f*ck that means!

Fat?  Cellulite?  I have them both!  I have an ass that pretty much has a life of its own.  My body jiggle’s when I skip or run.  My boobs are not perfectly shaped.  I have broad and round shoulders so can’t wear certain tops.  I struggle to find pants that fit my height, thighs AND waist because the ratio is so out of whack!  Good heavens, the list could go on!  There is so much about my body that is conventionally “wrong” or “unappealing”!

But you know what, I’m intelligent (most days ;)), funny (even if I’m the only one who thinks so), creative, talented, strong (physically and emotionally), hard-working, compassionate, gone through heaven and hell to get to where I am health-wise, happy to be alive and have a higher purpose!  And yes, I am beautiful too!

Please forgive me while I rant…

I couldn’t really care less whether people think I am skinny, fat or voluptuous.  Call me whatever you like.  I know what I am and I know what I’m capable of.  I don’t give a sh*t that I don’t look like a lean athlete, but call myself a personal trainer and Pilates teacher.  This could all sound like one big excuse for being undisciplined, but to be frank, I couldn’t spend my days worrying about how many calories I’m consuming in order to maintain x amount of body fat or train for x2 hours a day x6 days a week so that I am a sure-fire woman-beast!  I just couldn’t.


Dancing 7 – 10 hours a day for most of my late teens and young adulthood was enough thanks.  I’ve been there and done that.  Had the eating issues and body hatred.  Deprived myself and then gorged, emotionally and physically.  Experienced euphoria and the depths of the deep dark ocean, where only monsters exist.  I’ve done it all and I don’t want it in my life anymore, thanks.

I suppose the big evocative meaning in all this word vomit is that you too shouldn’t give a damn about what box you fit into.  Be your own damn box!  You can be whatever colour, shape, size and texture you want!  Hell, sprinkle yourself in multi-coloured glitter if you want to and who ever thinks you’re a weirdo is a closed minded idiot in my opinion.

Blegh, I just get so fed up with the constant pressure we are put under to be a certain way in order to be accepted or seen as fitting “the norm”.  So what, I’m not a size 6, lean, 30km running, 120kg deadlifting personal trainer beast!  That doesn’t make me any less beautiful, valuable, knowledgeable, influential, capable or professional.

Ok, rant over.  Phew!

Mad Men beauty, Christina Hendricks!
Mad Men beauty, Christina Hendricks!

There is so much more to be written on this topic and I really could ramble on about it all, but I will spare you the time and instead ask you to share your thoughts, experiences and opinions in the comments section below.

How do you deal with it all?

What do you think?

Am I being ridiculous?

Should we as women be counting our calories and gymming ourselves into a coma in order to fit into the conventional norms or is the world changing and can we still be happy and healthy humans in bodies that are perfectly functional, naturally beautiful and holistically healthy?

I look forward to reading your opinions.

With Love


P.S.  Sign-up for my Happy & Healthy 4 Week Challenge at the top of this page!  It’s free!


  1. Preach! Sure, we could all push our bodies so that we become the tiniest versions of ourselves. But what we’d have to do in order to maintain it is ridiculous and that kind of behaviour cultivates other forms of addiction. I’ll happily be a little bit curvier if it means I can indulge in good food and wine. And potatoes.

      1. YES! Exercise and gambling addictions are also said to fall into these mental disorders but are yet to be formally classified. So interesting! Thanks for the link X

  2. I sure as hell know that I would rather be strong than skinny. It becomes tiring having to obsess over the calories and certain percentage of fat and weight. As long as you keep bettering yourself in a healthy way and feel happy within yourself then I think you come out the winner above any contest.

    1. So tiring! Oh my gosh, we have so many other things to deal with… counting calories is definitely last on my list! I agree, as long as you keep working towards being the best version of yourself, for yourself and no one else, you are winning at life! xxx

  3. Thanks for this inspirational message. I work in the magazine industry and see the size 6 models everyday and I do feel short and fat everyday, lol. But I just accept my beauty and my difference, and being healthy is more important.

    1. Wow, Tanya. So you really are in the thick of it all. I feel for you but am so proud that you can acknowledge that your health comes first and your differences make you beautiful too. It’s so important to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin. Well done to you! xxx

  4. I feel as though you’ve climbed into my mind and written this for me. I could not agree any more. A lady called me fat the other day and this has really given me some perspective on the entire issue. U r such an inspiration. Thank u Leilah xxx

    1. Oh my hat! People can be so insensitive. She doesn’t know your story or your struggles so who is she to call you something that you’re not? I find jealousy can also make people really nasty, so take it as a compliment. She is probably jealous of your awesomeness… because let’s face it, you ARE awesome! xxx

  5. Hi Leilah

    I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday…..I just LOVE it !!! you have me in stitches the whole time…lol
    I am also a personal trainer and i have exactly the same view points as you….i encourage my clients all the time to love themselves and enjoy exercise for their mental well being instead of the perfect body….we are all perfect !! ALL READY !!!
    This is just long shot but would you like to meet me for coffee sometime if you have a gap in your day ?? I d love to pick your brain….
    Hope to hear from you soon
    Cheers Leske

    1. Hi Leske. Thanks so much for your comment and I’m relieved to know there are other trainers out there who feel the way I do. I actually stumbled across YOUR website a few months back and love what you are up to, so yes! Let’s meet up and see what we can share with each other, I’d love that. Just pop me an email – Sending love, L

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.